Breath of the Wild’s Most Broken Families

In which YouTuber Nesis tries to help accordion playing Rito, Kass, reunite with his estranged wife and child, only to discover a family in trouble:

Steam’s HTC Vive Sucks: Here’s Why

It’s not the hardware. It’s not the fact that a year after release, there are still only novelty games worth playing. It’s the Steam VR service itself, which NEVER WORKS. The ‘compositor is not fullscreen’ bug is omnipresent, popping up with a link to fix the issue which does. not. work. This is something which should have been patched months ago, but Steam VR is too busy pushing out unit breaking updates every other week to bother to fix what they’ve previously broken.

Every time you use the HTC Vive it’s a magical journey into what they’ve screwed up this time. Is one of my controllers in need of a firmware update? How about my tracking stations? Will I need to find the controller cord and plug my controllers in to have a chat with the PC? Will one of the tracking stations just not track? Or will the compositor remain firmly not fullscreen, screwing the entire system into complete uselessness?

The compositor is not fullscreen bug most often appears when the Vive has been activated before Steam VR. So deactivating the entire unit by quitting Steam VR sometimes fixes it. But the Vive software should not be this fundamentally buggy and broken a full year after it was first released.

This is some early access, alpha testing BS. The hardware of the Vive is being let down by shoddy software. It shouldn’t break in some new and interesting way every time you try to play it. It should be like every other piece of gaming equipment, be it console or PC. You turn the damn thing on, you open your game, you play. You shouldn’t be worried about synchronizing the software of five different pieces of hardware plus whatever nonsense the developers have decided to patch your insanity into oblivion.

I played my Vive an hour ago. When I tried to restart it now, I have the following issues:\

Compositor not fullscreen (not fixable in the normal way.)

Headset needs updated drivers.

Controllers not paired.

Base stations not detected.

The VIVE is like a computer which takes itself apart when your back is turned then sits there and smirks while you try to make it even slightly usable. This sucks. It sucks. And Steam’s attitude to the people who laid out a grand or two for this piece of machinery which mostly comes in handy for pretending to hit glowing orbs, sucks.

Rules of Hyrule: Understanding the World Of BOTW

IN A WORLD AT WAR, YOU CANNOT BUY WEAPONS (EXCEPT FOR ARROWS)

Hyrule 2017 is a world in which weaponry has no value and cannot be bought or sold, which is a bit weird considering all the monsters literally everywhere dropping their guts. It also can’t be made. It can, however, be destroyed in 5-6 hits. Which is why the knights of old used to go around with wagonloads of swords because swords are known for shattering into a million pieces after the third enemy they encounter.

The exception to this is arrows, which can be bought. Because, of course, reasons.

FAIRIES NEED YOUR MONEY

Fairies run on rupees, because without money, what is the point of faith. Giant scantily dressed ladies appearing from the center of watery floral ponds to upgrade your armor is no way to run a kingdom. Which is fine, because Hyrule isn’t actually run as a kingdom because:

NOBODY IS IN CHARGE

Hyrule had a king once, but then Ganon came and now it’s just perpetual chaos, which is fine because everybody sits at home in their villages or sometimes their circus tent stables, which brings me to the ULTIMATE BREATH OF THE WILD SECRET:

MONSTERS ARE AFRAID OF CLOWNS

This is why even though there are always hordes of monsters around every stable, they leave the people inside alone. It’s not the flimsy fabric keeping them out. It’s the possibility of clowns.

Top Five Annoying Breath of the Wild Moments

RAIN!

The sole purpose of rain seems to be to ruin the experience for the player. It serves no useful purpose, can’t be gotten around, makes climbing impossible (and as BOTW is basically climbing simulator 2017, that’s a problem) and you can’t even wait it out with a fire unless you’ve got a sheltered spot. Which you probably don’t. Also, it rains more in BOTW than it does in Britain. And that’s problematic. Most of the NPCs should be suffering from mood disorders based on lack of vit D.

THE BLOOD MOON GLITCH

Linkkk… Link… the blood moon is rising again….

For the twelfth time in ten minutes. I have seen the blood moon rise at every possible time of the day, sometimes several times in a row. The obtrusive, unskippable cut scene doesn’t help either. We get it, the monsters are back.

CUT SCENES

Hey, if you want to cook a meal, you have to listen to the doobly doo wavy lines music after every dish. Have 90 stamella shrooms that you’d really like to turn into stamina food? Well, that will be 18 doobily doos for you to sit through, and the ‘x’ to skip button just gives you an annoying black screen, so that’s much the same thing.

OOHHH… OHHHH… AHHH…

I get that there isn’t room on the cartridge for a bunch of voice acting, but an acceptable substitute isn’t getting voice actors to sigh, gasp and chuckle and then play them at random. If I’m selling 20 items, I don’t need a squeaky voiced ‘oooohhh’ ‘aaaah’ after every item. I also wanted to throw the old man off the tower every time he said ‘oho ho’. Shut. Up. Already

Speaking of annoying noises:

Zelda’s overly breathy high pitched voice makes me want to let Ganon just eat her already.

And…

THE SHEIKAH SLATE BOUNCES WITH EVERY STEP

You can’t take a truly quiet step in this game because apparently Link runs around with a heavy slate clanking against his hip repeatedly. He wears the Sheikah slate like a 90’s flip phone. Dork.

GANON IS THE END (Spoiler?)
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Pokemon Red Minecraft Map Download

Play classic Pokemon Red right inside Minecraft! No mods are necessary for this game, just your regular vanilla install will work. Download the map, install as usual and play Pokemon red. The creator of this map has been building the game since 2015, recreating every part of it using the Minecraft command block system. The power of Minecraft has never been so obvious!

Download Minecraft Pokemon Red here!

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